G, true, straight and uncut

T, what did I do? What did I say? This ain’t funny anymore. Amazing, how easily you seem to have forgotten me. It fucking hurts.

me

I feel like kicking a toddler.

 It is a lovely day to start your journey to the big upstairs.

Grandma will be waiting for you, waiting to be reunited again. Please give her a hug and tell her we love her.

I’ll miss you.

Thank you for everything and Godspeed.

Your grandson.

I miss you, still.

It’s been while since I’ve heard from you. I’m guessing you are upset because I did not return your calls.

Finding out that you were moving has hit me hard, it really has.  I thought you could/would tell me anything and you didn’t. Were you afraid I would not approve? I probably wouldn’t have, but do you really need my approval?

It is hard for me to understand why you want to be with Fré, knowing what he did to you, knowing that he made my best friend cry. I hate him for that. But it is obvious you do want to be with him and I do want you to be happy.  I just hope you really are.  You have forgiven him and have moved on, which is the right thing to do.

Please know that I am not angry, and I hope that you aren’t either. I think I have told myself that it is best to be a friend from a distance, not wanting to interfere.  But it pains me not to be closer to you. I hated feeling how slowly but surely we were seeing each other less and less.  It felt like our friendship was slipping away from me. It sucked having to wait two or three days for a text message reply, never seeing you on msn anymore. It still does.

I’ll be here, at a distance, wishing you all the best, hoping you are truely happy and hoping to hear from you again. Please don’t be mad at a little boy who really doesn’t know what to do. I miss you so much.

Love,

J

P.S.(My parents say hi)

Tessje, I miss you.

Dear John, dear Jane,

Writing you guys has brought a little peace of mind.  Sometimes it is good to write about difficulties one experiences. So, thanks for letting me tell my story.  Somehow you have lightened my burden a little. 

My first letter to you got me thinking about other people I have met during my journeys.  And for no particular reason Osofu crossed my mind.

Long time ago when I was in Ghana, I asked my local driver Viktor if he knew a place where I could get some pendants made. I needed souvenirs and it would not be too costly to have them made. He brought me to a small hut where the Agbogbloshi and Kaneshi rivers joined, close to the onion market on the Western side of Accra, Ghana’s capital.

While we were driving there, Viktor told me a little about Osofu. To the local people he was known as Osofu the wizzard.  This was not because he could perform magic but because he had a very strong bond with nature. It’s not as if he talked to tigers and monkeys or anything. After all, he did live on the outskirts of Accra, and not in the middle of the jungle…   He loved nature so much that in the morning, he greeted the trees and birds.  He would place food on the ground for grasshoppers and make improvised shelters for wild dogs.  All this because he felt like he just had to do it. 

 I could tell even before I met him, that this was a very poor man.  The hut he lived in was small and void of all luxury, no electricity, no running water, not even a real door to close at night.  A far cry from what we are used to over here.

When we arrived and this poor man came out to greet us, I did not see the worn out flip-flops he was wearing, the old pair of shorts held up with a rope instead of a belt, the torn, dirty shirt on his back.  I did not notice those things. What I saw the warmest and most gentle smile I had seen in a long time. This man, whom I had never seen before, welcomed us like two long lost sons. Truely amazing how someone with such a hard life can be so heartwarming.

Now I could see why local people called him a wizzard because he was old and a bit strange.  But since Osofu was an old man, people did not make fun of him.  From what I’ve seen during my time in Africa (been there for more than a year) old age warrants respect.  Much more than in the Western world!

Up to this day, it amazes me, how genuinely friendly this guy was.  I don’t know if he is still alive but I’ll always remember and appreciate the perspective this encounter gave me.  Our (my) complaints and grievances about everyday things are so insignificant.  We live the good life, we are born on the comfortable side of the equator.

Perspective, we all need it.

I’ll write again soon,

Hug,

G

I was really moved reading your letter,……

Don’t be disappointed,….everything happens for a reason,…..

Hug,

Charlie

Dear John and Jane,

First of all I would like to say I am sorry that it took so long for me to write you.
I hope this letter finds you both in good health.
It has been quite some time since I started travelling and it is now for the first time that I really feel the need to write. No news has always been good news, and even now you should not worry about me.
My journey has been joyful and mostly troublefree. There were some less pleasant periods, of which I will tell you in my next letters, but I want to begin with the situation that urged me to start writing this letter.
Some time ago I met a girl. Her name is Nicky. Even now, words don’t come easy so let me start by saying that she was by far the most beautiful girl that night. A sparkling little star in that dark alley in Antwerp. She put a smile on my face and a fresh breath of air in my longs. I was lost for words.
The sparks quickly ignited into a flame. De minima magnus scintilla nascitur ignis. Our first night was full of romance, I will never forget it.
We started dating and enjoyed every minute of our time together. She is a wonderful mother of a little boy named Brandon. I can almost see your amazement.  I know I never have been much of a father type but having a good time with this boy was not hard.  And right away he took a liking to me too. He even almost called me dad once, can you believe it?
This is wonderful news, is it not? It is… It was, because I could not keep the flame burning. For some reason my flame died out, I closed up, feeling trapped inside a life that was not mine, trying to escape. It was a horrible feeling, and what added to the horror is that I know she was really hurting also. Not one of my finest moments, if you feel disappointed in me, please know that I was too, and still am.
I know what it is to get hurt and here was I, doing the same to this lovely person.
We broke up and a little while later tried again, but to no avail.  It would not work.
She was hurt so bad and she refused to speak to me, so we lost sight of each other. Months went by.
Until recently our paths crossed again. She was looking good as ever, but she was not the same.
I did not realize that I had changed her.  She would never let me come close again, and I cannot blame her. And I don’t, I have myself to blame. 
It’s strange how things turn out sometimes, how tables get turned.
Here I am, I pushed all my doubts aside, ready to take a step into the unknown.  But she will not have it, and refuses to speak to me again. The last thing she told me was that she has a new boyfriend and that I should better leave her alone.  That hurt, because I know that she does not feel the same passion than what we had in the beginning. But I understand that she doesn’t believe me anymore, I don’t know if I would if I was in her place.
Did I miss a chance at happiness here?  Maybe, yes, maybe not.  It is difficult to accept that I will never know.
Sometimes you get dealt a bad hand, one can only try and make the most of it.  It is like that in poker, and it is like that in life… I don’t really know if my hand was so bad to begin with, but I played it poorly and I lost…
So nothing is left but to remember the hard lesson learned, and try a little harder next time. If you try hard enough and have just a smidgeon of luck on your side, even a poor player can win with a bad hand.  It is like that in poker, it is like that in life…
That is all for now, I have to go.
I hope you can forgive me my foolishness and I promise I will write more frequently in the future.

Big hug,
G